“I love it when young men eroticize themselves, and like Narcissus, are entrapped by their own reflection. Like: “Oh my God. I look so sexy right now.””

— Jean Touitou

Knock and the door shall be open unto you.

…and if it doesn’t, kick down the fucking door.

— Jesus (if he were a little more badass)

In this Sargasso Sea of fantasy and fraud, how can I or anyone else hope to swim unencumbered? How can I learn to see with, and not just through, the eye? How can I take off my own motley, wash away the makeup, raise the iron shutter, put out the studio lights, silence the sound effects, and put the cameras to sleep? Can I ever watch the sun rise on Sunset Boulevard, and the sun set over Forest Lawn?

Will I ever find real furniture among the studio props, silence in a discotheque, love in a strip tease? Read truth off an auto cue, catch it on a screen, chase it on the wings of muzak? View it in living color with the news, hear it in living sound along the motorways? No, not in the wind that rent the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks; not in the earthquake that followed, nor in the fire that followed the earthquake. I think I could probably hear it in that still, small voice. Not in the screeching of tires, either, or in the grinding of brakes; nor in the roar of jets or the whistle of sirens, or the howl of trombones, or the rattle of drums, or the chanting of demo voices. Again and again and again. I long for that still, small voice – if one could only catch it.

The voice of truth.


Found this super old photo of me on my dash and at first I was like ”whaaaat a naughty shirt, I wish I could delete this” but thinking on it now, I loved that year of being 16 and a punk spending all day at the beach with my friends. I miss all those kids and the retarded jokes and the late nights. Everything’s different now but I’m glad it happened the way it did and ended the way it did. I liked me then and I like me now.